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DanXIII

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Horror Fuel

Movie Review: House of Salem is a Demonic Dwelling Worth Visiting!

A young dude is put to bed by his smoke show of a babysitter and proceeds to have a series of nightmarish visions that resemble The Wicker Man if it was directed by Clive Barker…most likely because he ditches his meds before takin’ the one way express to nighty-night junction…or so it seems. Then some punks dressed as clowns kidnap the lad (who’s name is Josh), and so House of Salem begins proper. While the story begins with what seems like a simple kidnapping, things soon are revealed to be so much more, as our gang of big top hoodlums find they were duped into kidnapping young Josh by some sinister satanists who want to orchestrate a revoltin’ ritual involving that hoary ol’ chestnut; human sacrifice within the walls of the safe house (a home with a storied history of Satanic shenanigans). Before you know it, our hooligan heroes are up to their arses in hellish goings-on that they are

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DanXIII
Dec 24, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Sasq-watch is Worth Layin’ Your Eerie Eyeballs On!

Sasq-watch concerns the half-ass adventures of two brothers; Nigel and Oscar (played by Paul Brittain and Adam Herschman respectively), who have made it their mission in life to collect a huge bounty offered by the family of a deceased Bigfoot hunter before the reward is discontinued. After missing their scheduled guided tour, they hook up with a new guide named Sampson (Neil Flynn as your typical backwoods dude with little patience for idiots…which is unfortunate because he is swimming in them), and Jamie (Christine Bently), the sister of their dead LARPing frenemy who’s forced to go on the trip by her father for reasons. Oh, and don’t forget Claus (Tim Meadows), a rival Bigfoot hunter with a past with the brothers. Sasq-watch has a real charm about it (a phrase I may have never written in any review before…), and while it isn’t always completely over-the-top side splittingly high-larious (though admittedly it often is), it really aims to please, and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 23, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Skybound Should Remain Permanently Grounded

If you don’t have the time to read my review of Skybound, let me some it up for you in one sentence: “I have had it with these mother f**kin’ pretty people on this shitty CG mother f**kin’ plane!” There, use that as your pull quote; I dare you! Anyway, what is Skybound all about? Well, rich s.o.b. Matt takes his gal Lisa, along with the improbably named Odin (expect some real knee-slappery with this dolt) on his private jet to travel across country to take in a Vin Diesel movie (the words are starting to escape me). As the group treks on they have a few unexpected guests; Matt’s brother Kyle and a weird stowaway. Anyway, a bizarre phenomena on the ground results in the plane having to stay airborne…but the colliding planes make the sky just as dangerous. What will become of our heroes? What is the secret of the stowaway? How far into the eighty minute (including

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 22, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Blackcoat’s Daughter will Possess Your Soul!

The students of Bradford Academy are all leaving to spend winter break with their families…everyone except bizarro Kat and Catholic School Rizzo surrogate Rose; ‘cuz their parents apparently give less than two shits about them and fail to show up to spirit them away. The girls are now left alone at the perpetually grey and dour school where they have an uneventful stay until their parents arrive. The end. Okay, that’s complete nonsense as I forgot to mention, there’s some sort of malevolent force haunting the school, so supernatural shenanigans abound six ways to Sunday. Adding to the goings-on is a mysterious woman named Joan who is hellbent for Bradford; though why she wants to get there is unclear at first…but trust me when you find out it’s a real corker! Unlike ol’ Atomica above; The Blackcoat’s Daughter is a slow-burn fright flick done right! Dripping with atmosphere, creeptastic tension (those pregnant pauses!), and off-kilter characters, this film is definitely

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 21, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Chicago Rot will Infect Your Brain!

After being wrongfully locked up for years, a bad ass (giant bullet holes in his chest don’t even slow him down) with a violent streak a mile long named The Ghoul is a free man once more. No one is particularly thrilled about this fact, and soon G-man finds himself B.D. in a mad search for the ones that F’d up his life six ways to Sunday. What follows is a Grand Guignol bacchanal of bloodsoaked revenge as The Ghoul descends deep into the underworld of Chicago…which seems rather cut and dried until strange beings begin speaking to our hero from within a mirror. Oh, and The Ghoul apparently has lost his soul and he’s on a journey to get it back. Along his journey we experience a multitude of surreal dimensions which characters can traverse with ease (and each time their appearance changes drastically…for example dig; this is a film where a street thug can hop through a portal

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Hell Night is One Hellacious Slasher Flick!

Hell Night isn’t on the screen more than two seconds before we get a wet t-shirt contest…and awaaaay we go! Truth be told, the aforementioned contest is part of a larger tableau presenting the many faceted jewel that is “teen partying”…and by “teen” I mean people that appear to be pushing thirty. Anyway, what’s with all the celebrating? Because it’s Hell Night; a night dedicated to hazing new fraternity pledges…and what does the brain trust in charge of such things offer up as a suitable challenge to endure? Why, making the pledges spend the night in a haunted house… what the fuck is this, a Bowery Boys short? Of course , the fraternity brothers have set up a myriad of cheap (and improbably elaborate) scares to screw our heroes over…but soon they are murdered by someone or something lurking the grounds of the arcane abode…and you just know it won’t be long before that murderous madman is playin’ the ol’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 19, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: A Brilliant Monster is a Smart Creature Feature!

Good ol’ Mitch; he’s an mega-successful self-help author that is a seemingly endless font of new ideas…I mean who cares if his beautiful girlfriend left him because he’s a douche, and he has only like one friend in the world (and it isn’t his bedridden a-hole Daddy that lives with him). Well, the creative well does eventually run dry for our pal Mitch, as the ideas stop flowing, no matter how many dipshits he feeds to the toothy monster that lives in a room upstairs in his home. Yeah…Mitch feeds the monster, the monster spits out story ideas…tale as old as time really. Anyway, soon the local police get in on the act as the number of dead hookers and drunk girls gets to be a bit on the high side (that and the fact they actually believe the batshit story his ex-girlfriend feeds them) and things get dicey for our “hero”. A Brilliant Monster does a lot of good

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DanXIII
Dec 17, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Paranormal Farm Brings a Horror Harvest Worth Seeing!

In the latest entry in the massively saturated found footage fright flick genre, Paranormal Farm, a documentary film maker is called to an extremely rural farm to try and prove whether the location is actually haunted. He records everything (of course…wouldn’t be much of a ‘found footage’ film without any ‘footage’), and shows signs of being freaked the F out before he even enters the domicile and meets it’s salt of the Earth occupants. After a bit of investigation (and learning about the family’s tragedy) the owners leave, and our hero is left alone in the home. Wandering the grounds, he inexplicably encounters men in clown masks which continue to terrorize him further back at the homestead. After inviting the spirit to use him as a vessel…to complete success…our protagonist has had about enough of the house and all it’s bullshit, and bolts to the trailer where the owners are staying during the investigation. This leads to some shocking information…and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Rizen Raises the Bar For Lovecraft Inspired Fright Flicks!

As The Rizen begins, a young woman named Frances finds herself being dragged by the arm down a long, gore soaked hallway by a gurgling, chattering, sumbitch with his head wrapped in filthy bandages. What the creature doesn’t realize is he is not dragging a normal woman…no, he is in fact dragging a powder keg of unreasonable violence that merely looks like a woman, and before long ol’ Frances is bashing beastly brains into hamburger with a rock. As she travels on she meets a scientist (neither of our heroes are certain how they ended up in this location), and the duo travel on, fighting more of the monstrous madmen as they come. As our protagonists trek ever onward they unravel some of the mystery surrounding the tunnels, and how they got there; namely a military project to utilize the occult to win the arms race…which of course went over without a single hitch. I’m just F’n with you, it

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 11, 2017

More from DanXIII

Horror Fuel

Movie Review: House of Salem is a Demonic Dwelling Worth Visiting!

A young dude is put to bed by his smoke show of a babysitter and proceeds to have a series of nightmarish visions that resemble The Wicker Man if it was directed by Clive Barker…most likely because he ditches his meds before takin’ the one way express to nighty-night junction…or so it seems. Then some punks dressed as clowns kidnap the lad (who’s name is Josh), and so House of Salem begins proper. While the story begins with what seems like a simple kidnapping, things soon are revealed to be so much more, as our gang of big top hoodlums find they were duped into kidnapping young Josh by some sinister satanists who want to orchestrate a revoltin’ ritual involving that hoary ol’ chestnut; human sacrifice within the walls of the safe house (a home with a storied history of Satanic shenanigans). Before you know it, our hooligan heroes are up to their arses in hellish goings-on that they are

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 24, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Sasq-watch is Worth Layin’ Your Eerie Eyeballs On!

Sasq-watch concerns the half-ass adventures of two brothers; Nigel and Oscar (played by Paul Brittain and Adam Herschman respectively), who have made it their mission in life to collect a huge bounty offered by the family of a deceased Bigfoot hunter before the reward is discontinued. After missing their scheduled guided tour, they hook up with a new guide named Sampson (Neil Flynn as your typical backwoods dude with little patience for idiots…which is unfortunate because he is swimming in them), and Jamie (Christine Bently), the sister of their dead LARPing frenemy who’s forced to go on the trip by her father for reasons. Oh, and don’t forget Claus (Tim Meadows), a rival Bigfoot hunter with a past with the brothers. Sasq-watch has a real charm about it (a phrase I may have never written in any review before…), and while it isn’t always completely over-the-top side splittingly high-larious (though admittedly it often is), it really aims to please, and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 23, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Skybound Should Remain Permanently Grounded

If you don’t have the time to read my review of Skybound, let me some it up for you in one sentence: “I have had it with these mother f**kin’ pretty people on this shitty CG mother f**kin’ plane!” There, use that as your pull quote; I dare you! Anyway, what is Skybound all about? Well, rich s.o.b. Matt takes his gal Lisa, along with the improbably named Odin (expect some real knee-slappery with this dolt) on his private jet to travel across country to take in a Vin Diesel movie (the words are starting to escape me). As the group treks on they have a few unexpected guests; Matt’s brother Kyle and a weird stowaway. Anyway, a bizarre phenomena on the ground results in the plane having to stay airborne…but the colliding planes make the sky just as dangerous. What will become of our heroes? What is the secret of the stowaway? How far into the eighty minute (including

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 22, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Blackcoat’s Daughter will Possess Your Soul!

The students of Bradford Academy are all leaving to spend winter break with their families…everyone except bizarro Kat and Catholic School Rizzo surrogate Rose; ‘cuz their parents apparently give less than two shits about them and fail to show up to spirit them away. The girls are now left alone at the perpetually grey and dour school where they have an uneventful stay until their parents arrive. The end. Okay, that’s complete nonsense as I forgot to mention, there’s some sort of malevolent force haunting the school, so supernatural shenanigans abound six ways to Sunday. Adding to the goings-on is a mysterious woman named Joan who is hellbent for Bradford; though why she wants to get there is unclear at first…but trust me when you find out it’s a real corker! Unlike ol’ Atomica above; The Blackcoat’s Daughter is a slow-burn fright flick done right! Dripping with atmosphere, creeptastic tension (those pregnant pauses!), and off-kilter characters, this film is definitely

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 21, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Chicago Rot will Infect Your Brain!

After being wrongfully locked up for years, a bad ass (giant bullet holes in his chest don’t even slow him down) with a violent streak a mile long named The Ghoul is a free man once more. No one is particularly thrilled about this fact, and soon G-man finds himself B.D. in a mad search for the ones that F’d up his life six ways to Sunday. What follows is a Grand Guignol bacchanal of bloodsoaked revenge as The Ghoul descends deep into the underworld of Chicago…which seems rather cut and dried until strange beings begin speaking to our hero from within a mirror. Oh, and The Ghoul apparently has lost his soul and he’s on a journey to get it back. Along his journey we experience a multitude of surreal dimensions which characters can traverse with ease (and each time their appearance changes drastically…for example dig; this is a film where a street thug can hop through a portal

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 20, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Hell Night is One Hellacious Slasher Flick!

Hell Night isn’t on the screen more than two seconds before we get a wet t-shirt contest…and awaaaay we go! Truth be told, the aforementioned contest is part of a larger tableau presenting the many faceted jewel that is “teen partying”…and by “teen” I mean people that appear to be pushing thirty. Anyway, what’s with all the celebrating? Because it’s Hell Night; a night dedicated to hazing new fraternity pledges…and what does the brain trust in charge of such things offer up as a suitable challenge to endure? Why, making the pledges spend the night in a haunted house… what the fuck is this, a Bowery Boys short? Of course , the fraternity brothers have set up a myriad of cheap (and improbably elaborate) scares to screw our heroes over…but soon they are murdered by someone or something lurking the grounds of the arcane abode…and you just know it won’t be long before that murderous madman is playin’ the ol’

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 19, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: A Brilliant Monster is a Smart Creature Feature!

Good ol’ Mitch; he’s an mega-successful self-help author that is a seemingly endless font of new ideas…I mean who cares if his beautiful girlfriend left him because he’s a douche, and he has only like one friend in the world (and it isn’t his bedridden a-hole Daddy that lives with him). Well, the creative well does eventually run dry for our pal Mitch, as the ideas stop flowing, no matter how many dipshits he feeds to the toothy monster that lives in a room upstairs in his home. Yeah…Mitch feeds the monster, the monster spits out story ideas…tale as old as time really. Anyway, soon the local police get in on the act as the number of dead hookers and drunk girls gets to be a bit on the high side (that and the fact they actually believe the batshit story his ex-girlfriend feeds them) and things get dicey for our “hero”. A Brilliant Monster does a lot of good

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 17, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: Paranormal Farm Brings a Horror Harvest Worth Seeing!

In the latest entry in the massively saturated found footage fright flick genre, Paranormal Farm, a documentary film maker is called to an extremely rural farm to try and prove whether the location is actually haunted. He records everything (of course…wouldn’t be much of a ‘found footage’ film without any ‘footage’), and shows signs of being freaked the F out before he even enters the domicile and meets it’s salt of the Earth occupants. After a bit of investigation (and learning about the family’s tragedy) the owners leave, and our hero is left alone in the home. Wandering the grounds, he inexplicably encounters men in clown masks which continue to terrorize him further back at the homestead. After inviting the spirit to use him as a vessel…to complete success…our protagonist has had about enough of the house and all it’s bullshit, and bolts to the trailer where the owners are staying during the investigation. This leads to some shocking information…and

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 13, 2017
Horror Fuel

Movie Review: The Rizen Raises the Bar For Lovecraft Inspired Fright Flicks!

As The Rizen begins, a young woman named Frances finds herself being dragged by the arm down a long, gore soaked hallway by a gurgling, chattering, sumbitch with his head wrapped in filthy bandages. What the creature doesn’t realize is he is not dragging a normal woman…no, he is in fact dragging a powder keg of unreasonable violence that merely looks like a woman, and before long ol’ Frances is bashing beastly brains into hamburger with a rock. As she travels on she meets a scientist (neither of our heroes are certain how they ended up in this location), and the duo travel on, fighting more of the monstrous madmen as they come. As our protagonists trek ever onward they unravel some of the mystery surrounding the tunnels, and how they got there; namely a military project to utilize the occult to win the arms race…which of course went over without a single hitch. I’m just F’n with you, it

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Dec 11, 2017
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