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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Stirring is a Gift for Slasher Fans!

What can be better than a slasher flick that starts with a sorority pledge forced to lap up toilet water and humiliate herself with a pitch black marital aide before she finally snaps and chokes the head of the sorority with said dildo before slicing her up like a prize-winning ham then hanging herself? Honestly, not a hell of a lot I reckon… So after all of that craziness, Stirring starts in earnest when the sister of the now defunct sorority head, Amber by name, joins the same sorority as some sort of half-assed grief therapy. Well, before you can say ‘blood covered yule log’…wait, why would you ever even say that? Anyway…sorority bros and hoes start gettin’ offed right quick by a sinister slasher dressed as a nightmare version of Mrs. Clause and the body count climbs ever upward. Can ol’ Amber and her pals survive the slashin’s going on six ways to Sunday and figure out who is

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DanXIII

Jan 24, 2018

IndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: House of Demons has Some Structural Damage…

A quartet of (mostly) drunk, bitchy, and until recently…estranged (thanks to a shared tragic car accident that left their chum a human vegetable), friends reunite in order to attend an old friend’s wedding. Because they are cheap as balls, they decide to stay in a remote country home together (instead of booking some rooms at the Ramada like normal fucking people would do). This being a fright flick this seems on the surface like a really aces idea, but of course a Charlie Manson like cult leader and his bonkers brethren used to live there…oh, and he carried out experiments to expand human consciousness. As they often do, the experiments blast from the past (and soon the cult do as well), and our assy antagonists are confronted with the darkest secrets of their soul (which leads to some great batshit visuals later in the film). Can they survive the machinations of the cult…and themselves? House of Demons gets major points

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DanXIII

Jan 21, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review – Bad Apples is a Real Treat in the Stalk n’ Slay Genre!

Bad Apples is the type of class act picture that opens with a pregnant woman being stabbed to death and the two infants she carries being birthed post mortem right there on the kitchen floor. Well those two poor souls grow into teenagers…nearly mute teenagers who always (and I mean always) wear masks and have a demented streak a mile long (but more on that in a minute). Is all of that above distasteful, shocking, and downright surreal…you bet your arcane ass it is…it’s also one hell of a top-shelf way to start your fright flick (you know, pictures who’s main goal is to disturb). As Halloween arrives, those two precious darlings referenced up yonder go on your average, everyday kill spree…one fraught with gleeful sprightly tricks, buckets of blood, and absolutely zero remorse. Eventually our dastardly duo end up at the home of the new teacher in town Ella and things take a turn for the stalk n’ slay

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DanXIII

Jan 19, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: Cute Little Buggers is a Campy Sci-Fi Bloodbath!

Cute Little Buggers begins as any great culturally relevant piece of art would; namely with horny fish aliens (with British accents) flying down to Earth in their U.F.O. in an attempt to impregnate any human female they can possibly get their hands…err, flippers…fins…whatever…on. To achieve this they splice alien D.N.A. into the local rabbit population which causes them to become ultra violent mutant killing machines…you know something, is it possible to fall in love with a film…like real, human love…because I think that is happening to me right this very second… Moving on, we have the tale of a prodigal son returning to his bucolic hometown and rekindling a lost love as townsfolk begin being brutally slaughtered by those laceratin’ lepus. It basically becomes an all out fight for survival as the bunnies begin chewin’ folks a new asshole (and I mean that literally). First things first, Cute Little Buggers is a flick with it’s tongue very firmly in it’s

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DanXIII

Jan 18, 2018

Movies

Movie Review: A Creepy Cornucopia of Sinister Shorts!

In a remote snowed in cabin, a family lives in turmoil. The patriarch of the clan is an alcoholic abusive sumbitch, his wife has been cowed into quivering complacency, and his son…well beside being a human punching bag, is seriously infatuated with lions. In a night packed fat with violent news broadcasts and cheap beer, our antagonist is visited by an impossible (an impossibly violent) four legged visitor that proceeds to set right that which is wrong. At twelve minutes (well ten minutes plus credits); Lion is a tight lil’ fright flick, with a very unique spin on the ‘tormented child calls upon seemingly supernatural revenge’ trope. Well shot and acted, with strong visual effects for the titular beast, and a great sense of taut violence waiting to explode at a moments notice the film packs a real punch. The only negative I had with this was the usage of some ultra-dodgy CG to realize the exterior shots of the

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DanXIII

Jan 17, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: 10/31 is an Arcane Anthology Well Worth Your Time!

Anthologies are all the rage in the fright flick biz these days…or they were at one point…it doesn’t really matter because I’m taking a look at one today, and then I’m gonna tell you if it’s hit or shit with my normal award losing candor…so yeah…10/31!! 10/31 begins with some trick or treaters parkin’ their ass in front of the boob tube (and in this case that term is apt because they are watching bosomy horror hostess Malvolia’s horror marathon) where they view the various and sundry terror tales…like the one that leads off this affair; The Old Hag! Hag concerns the trials and tribulations of two dudes aiming to film a promo video for an old mansion that’s been turned into a dead…err bed and breakfast. Well, lo and behold, one of our heroes keeps seeing visions of a gnarly ol’ bat…the same demonic dame that the locals say was a murder machine way back when. Things of course

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DanXIII

Jan 16, 2018

Movies

Movie Review: Cannibal Farm is A Tasty Treat For Horror Hounds!

Look here creeps and ghouls, ol’ XIII knows it’s wrong to judge a book (or fright flick) by it’s cover, but come the F on. That’s Leatherface, and I don’t care what you call this film, I’m willin’ to bet demons to donuts that this is the biggest Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip off that’s ever come down the putrid pike. All I can say is stick around to see if your’s cruelly’s instincts are as sharp as usual… Cannibal Farm concerns a bickering British family who heads out on a road trip to a remote rural location (ahh…so it’s The Hills Have Eyes European Tour…my mistake…and before you even start your crap, yes I know Hills was partially based on a real European cannibal clan). Along the way they run into a cider/lemonade salesman (this guy is worth the price of admission alone, trust me…and he gets plenty of screen time as he is more than he appears) before settling

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DanXIII

Jan 12, 2018

DocumentariesIndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: The Devil’s Well is Well Worth Dipping Into!

The Devil’s Well concerns the misadventures of a husband and wife paranormal investigation team that arrive in a small town to investigate a hotspot called The Devil’s Well (‘natch). Well the wife of the duo, Karla, goes missing, and the chief suspect is of course her husband Bryan is suspecto numero uno (I’m a cunning linguist my fiends). Presented in documentary format (with a nice variety of interviews, camera footage, news reports etc.), we get to learn all the facts of the case including that the victim’s family was morally opposed to Karla’s work with the supernatural. Soon we learn that the well, located in a basement of all places, is a rumored portal to hell with a long and sordid past, and our heroes begin an investigation which leads to Karla’s disappearance. Flash forward a year, and a new party, including Bryan, return to the arcane abode to attempt to find ol’ Karla…and of course they find so much

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DanXIII

Dec 30, 2017

Movies

Movie Review: The Cat O’ Nine Tails Gives Giallo Fans Something to Purr About!

Blind crossword puzzle author (is that what people who create those things are even called???) Franco (Karl Malden, proving he walked the streets of Rome before those of San Francisco) is taking a stroll one night with his young niece Lori (Cinzia De Carolis) when he overhears a plan to blackmail a scientist who works at a top secret genetic institute…well, not too top secret if they are blabbing about it right out in the damn street and all…oh, and there’s a robbery in there somewhere as well. Anyway Franco eventually teams up with a journalist by the name of Carlo (everyone’s favorite ‘not-quite-Charlton Heston’ James Franciscus) to solve the case, but there ends up being a metric shit-ton of the ol’ murder biz about, so these two dudes are most likely in way over their heads… Admittedly, I’ve never been a fan of the giallo genre; they’ve always played out more like a typical murder mystery with a human

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DanXIII

Dec 28, 2017

IndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: Desolation Will Make Sure Your Terror Is Televised!

Desolation begins with a woman dousing herself in alcohol and lighting herself ablaze in front of a rolling camera…talk about your all over hot foot, eh fiends?!! We then switch gears to focus on sad sack hotel worker Katie (Dominik García-Lorido) who soon begins hanging out with movie star Jay ( Brock Kelly) who’s in town to film some sort of movie or some such shit. Anyway, he’s unhappy being a star, she’s unhappy just being Katie, and the two funsters become chummy (a.k.a. they take the express train to Bone Town). Long story short; Jay brings Katie to Hell A. where she begins trading her memories for fortune and fame, and finds herself just a step away from the edge of a fall…you could say caught between heaven and hell even (where’s the girl I knew 15 minutes ago?). Before long, Katie begins seeing ghostly visions within the confines of Jay’s nearly deserted (and creepy A.F.) apartment building, and

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DanXIII

Dec 27, 2017

DanXIII

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