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DanXIII

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Movie Review: Scalpel is Tawdry and Ridiculous Fright Flick Fun!

Dr. Phillip Reynolds (Robert Lansing) is having a bit of shitty luck. His daughter, Heather (Judith Chapman) has run away from home after the somewhat questionable death of her boyfriend a year prior which has driven the Doc a tad bit off the rails. But, things seem to be coming up Reynolds as our “hero” has the good fortune to find a woman (a stripper by trade) with her face bashed to shit and back, so he drags her ass home, uses his plastic surgery skills (which are seemingly well over 9000), and makes her look exactly like the image of his long lost daughter. Ahh, finally he can be reunited with the one he loves…oh, and collect that big ass inheritance that was bequeathed to Heather…actually, he only cares about the cash… With that kind of material listed above, you’d think ol’ Scalpel would be some sort of grindhouse fodder (and there is sleazy material here, in particular the

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DanXIII

Mar 5, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: Killing Joan is a Taut Revenge Thriller with a Twist!

Joan is a loose cannon (it’s all murder and menage a trois with this lady…and the occasional unfinished taco salad) mob enforcer that leads a small black-clad kill crew on all sorts of underworld escapades. This is all fine and dandy except that her unorthodox approach to the work at hand leads to her boss, Frank (David Carey Foster), to grow wary of her…which eventually leads to her being betrayed and left for dead by those she once killed for. Well, Joan doesn’t stay down for long as something soon brings her back from the brink of death and bestows upon her strange supernatural powers. Now our heroine can travel between and even control the shadows as she enacts her dark revenge…a revenge that may make her vulnerable to an evil greater than the mob. Killing Joan has a great premise; a mob enforcer resurrected with dark powers is the stuff of comic book awesome, and lead actress (and genre

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DanXIII

Mar 4, 2018

GamingMoviesNews

Volumes of Blood: Body Count Card Game Now Available!

Feast your putrid peepers on this gruesome gaming news; the folks behind the successful Volumes of Blood fright flick franchise have just announced that a card game based on their sin-ematic universe is now available! Here’s the official word: “From Blood Moon Pictures and Mythmaker Games comes the newest in table top terror. Take on the role of a horror film Director and use killers, locations, weapons and characters from the Volumes of Blood cinematic universe as you face off against your opponents to create a scene of carnage and build the largest body count. Volumes of Blood: Body Count is fun for the whole dysfunctional family.” If you want to get your paws and claws on a copy of the game, head right here, and tell ’em XIII sent ya!

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DanXIII

Mar 3, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: Monkey Farm is a Found Footage Creature Feature With Something New to Offer!

A group of intrepid documentary film makers toil away making a film about the ethics of animal testing…a journey which leads them to a former testing site now supposedly utilized as a primate sanctuary. Upon arriving, they find the facility long abandoned, in complete disrepair, and full of an ungodly stench. As their investigation continues they cross paths with scientists, crazed Skunk Ape hunters, and a mutant monster they are ill-equipped to handle! For being an entry in a genre that has definitely had it’s highs and lows (many, many lows) Monkey Farm does quite a few things right. First of all, the animal testing angle is a nice (and welcome) change from the normal paranormal/ghost subject matter usually found in pictures such as these. Adding to that, this is a creature feature as well (which is ambitious for a film like this, plus you boils and ghouls now how a monster always warms my black little heart), and the

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DanXIII

Mar 3, 2018

IndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: Apocalypsis is Arthouse Fare for Daring Sci-Fi Fans

In a parallel world heading toward a black hole, an ethereal albino beauty reads Revelations. As things progress, visions of angelic beings, strange shadow organizations, and pondering on man’s impact on the Earth leading to end times. The main thing Apocalypsis has going for it is style for miles. This is exactly the type of thing that comes to mind when I hear the term ‘arthouse genre film’…there are beautiful people doing oft times inexplicable things in aesthetically pleasing locations, fantastic stop-motion dreamscapes (reminiscent of the early work of Japanese auteur Shinya Tsukamoto)…in other words, it’s gorgeous…but as pretty as it all is there are some problems… Let’s start with the narrative…as mentioned above, and as the title suggests, the film involves the Biblical Book of Revelations…there’s also angels, parallel dimensions, strange conspiracies…all manner of bizarre and fascinating things, but all of it flies at you like a rocket, with some new element appearing every other minute that makes the

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DanXIII

Mar 2, 2018

IndieMovies

Movie Review: Mohawk is a Rock Solid Historic Revenge Thriller!

As the War of 1812 rages, British soldier Joshua Pinsmail (Eamon Farren) attempts to convince Mohawk elder Wentahawi (Sheri Foster) to align her people with the forces opposing America with the help of tribe members Oak (Kaniehtiio Horn) and Calvin Two Rivers (Justin Rain). After she refuses, Calvin does the murder biz on a cadre of sleeping American soldiers. this goes over like a fart in a submarine, and soon our heroes find themselves pursued by world-class psycho Col. Hezekiah Holt (Ezra Buzzington) and his small band of soldiers. What follows is an orgy of torture, suspense, and supernatural intervention all intertwining on the trail to sweet revenge. Mohawk isn’t a straight up fright flick, it includes so many earmarks of our beloved horror biz that it would be foolhardy not to consider it a part of our petrifying pantheon…there is effective practical gore, a protagonist that has some serious preternatural overtones, and a climax that has more than a

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DanXIII

Mar 1, 2018

Movies

Movie Review: Eat Me is a Challenging Film With a Serious Dark Streak!

A woman, who is a really shitty house keeper by the way, decides today is the day to commit suicide, and she makes a real day of it too…gobbling pills, planning her death pose, hiding dildos…and of course watching The Beverly Hillbillies, all as one does. Things go south on that plan however when she passes out from the drugs and is promptly raped (well the attempt was there) by one of a pair of home invaders…oh movie, you’re going to be one of those types of affairs, eh? Well not exactly, as the more sympathetic of the duo keeps her awake while his pal goes on a food run, and manages to make her puke during a beej that he talks her into…oh man, this is going to be a rough one…Further degradation occurs as our loathsome unwanted house guest abuses his victim by making her eat and drink from cat dishes while a belt is tied around her

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DanXIII

Feb 27, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesParanormal

Movie Review: The Lullaby Will Ensure You Sleep Uneasy!

Teen mom Chloe returns home to Eden Rock in order to have the support of her mother in raising her infant son. Man it would suck if the place was a concentration camp a hundred or so years ago where babies were summarily executed. Anyway, that baby gets to constantly cryin’, Chloe falls into a depression, and begins seeing and hearing signs that her baby may be haunted. Despite the fact that her family and psychologist think she is just stressed the F out being a new mother and all, the evil omens grow ever more intense and dark secrets are revealed that push our heroine further over the edge. The Lullaby is a dreary, dark, and at times difficult fright flick to endure. Chloe (played to perfection by Reine Swart) is a stressed out, angsty hot mess, which definitely helps audience unease, and the underlying subject matter of violence towards infants is rather off-putting as well. I’m of two

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DanXIII

Feb 25, 2018

MoviesParanormal

Movie Review: Gate II is a Hell of a Good Time!

Since opening a gate to hell with his pal Glen, ol’ Terry (Louis Tripp returning from the first film) has been itchin’ to relive the glory days. To achieve that lofty goal, he has set up some sort of techno-arcane alter in the remains of Glen’s old home. Well as fate would have it (and the fact that it would be one shitty film if he didn’t) Terry successfully performs a ceremony (with an unwanted assist by a trio juvenile delinquents) that conjures forth a minion (also returning from the first film) from The Other Side that grants wishes…now, what could possibly go wrong in this scenario? At first nothing…then everything turns to shit…both figuratively and literally (I mean everything they physically conjure up turns to piles of feces). Will Terry be able to confront the evil of the Gate and save his soul from damnation? Gate II is a rare sequel that is able to be nearly as entertaining

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DanXIII

Feb 24, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesTrue CrimeTrue Story

Movie Review: Cruel Summer is a Vacation I Never Hope to Take Again.

This is probably going to be one of the shorter reviews I have ever written…mainly because I think if I spend any more time time thinking about Cruel Summer I may get sick. Cruel Summer tells the charming (and supposedly true) tale of a young autistic man named Danny (Richard Pawulski) from the inner-city that gets a chance to go to the country thanks to a Governmental program. While there he encounters a real psycho of a human being who plans Danny’s demise after his equally atrocious girlfriend concocts a lie about the youth. You can guess the rest. Let’s see if I can put a positive on some of this…I guess if you want to see a film that fully displays the cruelty and unfairness that life can throw at someone then Cruel Summer is the picture for you. There is no epic revenge, no hope, barely any retribution…it’s just one unfortunate soul encountering a force that is out

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DanXIII

Feb 22, 2018

DanXIII

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