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exploitation

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Blu-ray Review: Fist of Fear, Touch of Death (1980)

Adolph Caesar (surprisingly not the bi-product of Cobra experiments to resurrect Serpentor, but rather an Oscar nominated actor) discusses an upcoming (and surely complete and utter bullshit) karate championship event set to take place at Madison Square Garden. The prize awarded from said (definitely made-up) contest of legendary legends? Why, the title of Bruce Lee’s successor (a full seven years after his death no less… and as is the way here, not even remotely a real fuckin’ thing), naturally. And we’re off to the races with Fist of Fear, Touch of Death… As you surely guessed, after some high-kickin’ hoo-ha at The Garden, the film then switches to a flashback to earlier in the day as legendary exploitation actor Fred “The Hammer” Williamson (credited here as “Hammer, the Ladies Man”), whom most of you lot would recognize from his role in the Rodriguez/Tarantino fang-bang flick From Dusk ’til Dawn, has just banged some rando broad five times (and she’s primed

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DanXIII

Apr 2, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Juvenile Delinquents (2020)

Pedo ass-hat Frank (Jay Amari) gets him self unintentionally murder-ized by a gaggle of juvenile delinquents that come to the rescue of his latest victim Sarah (Corynn Treadwell). Given their past, these dudes are none to anxious to dial ol’ 911, so they get the shit-hot idea to torch Frank’s pad… but his wife Molly (Marie Smalley) arrives home just as the demented deed is about to go down, and finds herself a hostage as these killer kids, and their friends whom soon join them, decide their next step! As is the way, further static ensues, and the group, once splintered, grows stronger… but will their bond be enough to see them through this patch of dark waters? To clear the air a bit; Juvenile Delinquents would fall more on the drama side of the equation if one is trying to slap a label on it… but at it’s core this circles the exploitation/action side of things rather firmly. You

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DanXIII

Mar 8, 2020

MoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984)

Gwendoline (Tawny Kitaen) ships herself to China in a wooden box, and is immediately kidnapped upon her arrival to the Far East. Thankfully for her, rough and tumble sailin’ man Willard (Brent Huff) comes to her rescue and takes up the task of helping our heroine locate the butterfly her butterfly (that’s a lot of “butterfly” in one sentence… oh, shit… ) collector father went missing in the mythic land of the Yik Yak trying to find… for a fee of course. Along the way our erstwhile heroes must contend with river pirates, cannibals, poisonous clouds, and a tribe of Amazons that live in a hi-tech mine deep below the Earth… a serious ordeal all for a simple butterfly! Want to know something that exemplifies the surreal nature of The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak? The film has an easy-listenin’ synth score (totally inappropriate given it’s early 1930’s setting) that plays no matter the sitch…

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DanXIII

Nov 23, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Crazy Fat Ethel (2016)

Ethel (Dixie Gers) has gotten her ass in the soup right good this time. Institutionalized for the murder of her uncle Joe (Brian Dorton), she’s abused by patients and staff alike before finally using the fact that she was raped by some (dis)orderlies to leverage being transferred to he care of her aunt Joyce (Jenny Coulter). True to form, Ethel soon begins eating her aunt out of house and home (while watching cooking shows no less… at least she’s all in on that binge eating shit). Joyce reaches her limit and locks up all the food in the house which naturally leads to Ethel becoming a murder machine once more! But there are consequences for her ways, and soon all those missing persons begin to cause static for ol’ Ethel in the form of a police detective (William Allen Nugent) who becomes mighty suspicious of our anti-heroine… but Ethel is no slouch in covering her tracks. Will anyone be safe

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DanXIII

Nov 9, 2019

Reviews

Blu-ray Review: Scarface Gold Edition (1983)

Big budget exploitation at it’s finest; that’s what we are going to shoot the shit about today cats n’ creeps as we slap our eyeballs on Brian De Palma’s crime classic Scarface! Cuban immigrant (and former soldier) Tony Montana (Al Pacino) comes to the ol’ U.S.A. with a dream; to be rich and powerful… and he doesn’t care how that happens. After a a low-level political hit here, and some dish washing there (gotta keep the lights on after all), Montana and his right hand man Manny (Steven Bauer) manage to survive an outrageously botched drug deal (there’s a fuckin’ chainsaw involved) and deliver the yayo to kingpin Frank Lopez (Robert Loggia). This sends Tony up the ladder to ill-gotten fame and fortune, and before long he’s kicked Frank to the curb (just how I will let you find out for yourselves), stolen his coke-lovin’ wife Elvira (Michelle Pfeiffer). Of course once you get to the top the only place

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DanXIII

Oct 24, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Killer Nun (1979)

Sister Gertrude (Anita Ekberg) is your average, everyday nun… you know, a real cock-hungry, morphine addicted, chain smoking, medically negligent bitch on wheels… the ushe… When ol’ Gert gets a wild hair that she has cancer, she seems to lose her goddamned mind, and goes on a drug fueled tear through the hospital in which she works. If she isn’t kinda/sorta causing patients to die, using her days off to have sex with randos on the street, or having the occasional major psychotic break; then she’s “forcing” Sister Matthieu (the stunning Paola Morra) to have a lesbian tryst, or having hallucinations about murder… hallucinations that lead to there being actual corpses! Enter: Dr. Patrick Roland (Warhol darling Joe Dallesandro), who becomes suspicious of our sinful Sister and starts causing some serious static for our habit-wearin’ anti-heroine… but is that justified or has Gertrude been merely a pawn in someone else’s game? Based on a true story… like for real! Sadistic,

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DanXIII

Oct 14, 2019

IndieMoviesReviewsThriller

Blu-ray Review: Toys Are Not For Children (1972)

I’m not going to candy coat it; Jamie Godard (Marcia Forbes) is all shades of fucked up. She’s a relative simpleton that masturbates on the regular with the stuffed animals her absentee father sends her (even though she’s a grown-ass woman)… and she calls out “Daddy” as she does it! Soon she finds herself married to her co-worker, though she can’t “consummate” the deal due to them pesky issues mentioned up yonder… and before you can say “oh, fuck no” she finds herself balls deep in the world of prostitution thanks to aging whore Pearl (Evelyn Kingsley) who was a favorite of her horny pops. Needless to say, things go south in more ways than one… Comprised of unlikable or unsympathetic characters, garish fashions, and not nearly as much titillation as one would expect from a picture like this; Toys Are Not For Children is not your average exploitation picture. Jamie and her mother (Fran Warren) seem to be in

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DanXIII

Oct 12, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

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DanXIII

Jul 1, 2019

Comic Books/Graphic NovelsMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Sheena (1984)

After her parents are killed in a cave-in in deepest Africa, young Janet is taken in by the Zambouli tribe where she is viewed as a goddess and given the new handle; Sheena, Queen of the Jungle! Sheena (Tanya Roberts) matures among the tribe in their land of Tigora where she learns the ways of the animals and develops a telepathic bond with them…as one does. Soon our buxom heroine finds herself up to her bleached blonde hairdo in an assassination plot which she must help solve with the assistance of reporter Vic Casey (Ted Wass), and his cameraman Fletch Agronsky (Donovan Scott)…all while finding the time to ride a zebra bareback and ass around with some chimps and an elephant. Priorities and all that… Look boils n’ ghouls; this is Tarzan with tits and it features all of the lunacy that concept suggests! You get a stunning beauty in Roberts, who is athletic, and fun to watch…even if she

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DanXIII

Mar 31, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Street Fighter Collection (1974)

In the early to mid 1970’s Sonny Chiba kicked so many asses that there was a serious concern that their would be no more asses to kick going forward. These are the chronicles of those events…or a collection of three of his most legendary films, all falling under the Street Fighter banner on Blu-ray from Shout! Select…either/or… Let’s kick things off with: The Street Fighter (1974): Terry Tsurugi (Sonny Chiba) is one hard-ass mother fucker. Take this for an example: our hero frees a condemned man from prison by performing his “oxygen coma punch” causing him to collapse just before he can be executed, and as he is spirited to the hospital, Terry attacks the ambulance and frees him. Small problem there; the convict’s family can’t pay Terry’s fee so he goes to beat the shit out of the family which results in one fresh corpse, and a woman sold into sexual slavery courtesy of local crime boss Renzo Mutaguchi

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DanXIII

Mar 17, 2019

exploitation

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