Foreign

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Blu-ray Review: Diamonds Of Kilimandjaro (1983)

Following a plane crash in deepest Africa, a young girl named Diana is taken in by a native tribe of cannibals who make her father the “Big White Chief”…yeah…Diana grows up and becomes the tripe’s eternally tits-out Goddess (as played by Katja Bienert), and word of her existence travels back to the ears of her ailing Mother. Enter some unscrupulous adventurers that promise to bring her daughter back home safe and sound, and head out into the jungle with Diana’s greedy relatives in tow; relatives that don’t want her in the picture as they are set to inherit the family fortune. As the group press on, they shoot and kill one of Diana’s tribe, which brings the full wrath of the natives down upon the heads of our gaggle of goofs…but not before they “interact” with clumsily integrated stock footage, and make sweet love directly after being almost eaten by crocodiles (see comment previous)…and let’s be honest, who doesn’t find

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DanXIII

Sep 2, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Golden Temple Amazons (1986)

A gaggle of surly (and mostly bare chested) Amazons ride up to a house and immediately murder a family (as one does)…well not all of the family; they let the young daughter, Liana, live and take her in as one of their own. Time passes and soon Liana’s (Analía Ivars) boobs too fly free in the breeze as she frolics with many a jungle animal, many of whom doubtless wonder how she gets her sky-high mega ’80’s hair to look so good, as I assume there isn’t a lot of Aquanet in the jungle. In time, Liana learns of her past…and why her parents were murdered (for the record her Father stole what passes for “gold” in this film, but is more commonly known as gold-colored tinfoil over rocks, from the Amazon’s hidden golden temple…which is some plywood covered with more of that damned foil…but I guess in a way it actually is gold…comedy gold that is). Our busty protagonist

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DanXIII

Sep 2, 2018

ForeignGamingIndieNewsParanormalProductReviews

Enjoy Your Trip! Game Review Of ‘Elea’ For Xbox One

Not long ago I talked about the upcoming surreal sci-fi game “Elea”. The game’s developers, Kyodai and Sodesco were kind enough to allow me the chance to review the game early before its September 6th release. The game itself is an episodic adventure telling the story of Elea, who’s on a journey through space to find her husband who’s gone missing along with his crewmates on a mission to find a new planet to colonize and now his ship was found but is mysteriously going through a quarantine procedure. After completing the first chapter it should be noted that the story I’ve played will be updated on launch day with a different beginning since I don’t know exactly how much of a change there will be, I’ll forgo focusing too much on the narrative I encountered in my playthrough. The main thing that blew me away was the graphics! Nicely detailed and textured, the colors are amazing and fit well

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Capt McNeely

Aug 30, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: I Am The Doorway (2018)

Arthur (Simon Merrells) has a few things to be proud of; he’s the first astronaut to orbit Pluto, he survives a rather shit crash landing back on Earth, and he grows alien eyes on his hands that present to him monstrous visions and cause him to not only believe he has murdered, but to believe he is the conduit (or doorway if you like) for an alien invasion. I Am the Doorway is one hell of a somber, grim, and ultimately intriguing sci-fi yarn. Based on a short story by some dude I’ve never heard of named Stephen King (I sincerely hope you boils n’ ghouls know I’m assing around here), this is a moody, darkly atmospheric affair that details one man’s descent into madness facilitated by cosmic interference (let’s just say this is King at his most Lovecraftian); and everything from the muted color palette, to the locations, to the grizzled appearance of Merrells as our protagonist adds to

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DanXIII

Aug 29, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Dead Love (2018)

Brandon (Grayson Low) is a classic ‘momma’s boy’ sans said momma, ‘cuz her ass is defunct thanks to a suicide. This sends his world into a desperate tailspin, because everything he has found comforting in life has been suddenly, violently, taken away…hell, he can’t even afford a decent funeral for the lady. Enter Fiona (Nicole Elizabeth Olson), who becomes enamored with our hero upon hearing his hard luck case…and wouldn’t you know it, her sister Caterina (Kate Linder), and her husband Lassiter (Bob Buckley) run a funeral pallor! Everyone seems overjoyed that Brandon has arrived in the scene, and are more than ready to accept him as the chosen one to receive the knowledge of their dark secret…but just what is that secret, and how will it effect our hero? Dead Love is a stylishly shot film, for sure, and Brandon’s near catatonic state as a result of the loss of his beloved mother is believable (at least at first)…but

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DanXIII

Aug 28, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Short Film Review: Mystery Box (2018)

Moa (Lisa Henni) is trying her damnedest to grab a lil’ R&R in a cabin on a remote island…but that goes south six ways to Sunday when she finds a strange metal box while fishing. That night, the box keeps appearing on her front porch no matter where she moves it too, followed by a litany of strange noises. Before you can say “Pandora” our protagonist opens that cursed container (after barfin’ up a key ‘natch) and what she finds…well, you’ll have to see the flick yourself for that one my creeps! Directed and co-written (along with David Liljeblad) by Sonny Laguna, who can be one of my favorite people ever thanks to bringing us the excellent Puppet Master The Littlest Reich or one of my most reviled since he made the execrable Animalistic. Well, I’m pleased as poisoned punch to say he knocked Mystery Box out of the park (thank Dagon, because no matter what I feel about the

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DanXIII

Aug 27, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Animalistic (2015)

An oil exec named Emma (Hanna Oldenburg) has the misfortune of travelling abroad for business. Why misfortune you may ask? Well, she hops in a taxi and is kidnapped by a psychopath named Jim (Ralf Beck) and his deadly duo chums Pete ( Torbjörn Andersson) and Shirley (Niki Nordenskjöld) who drug her, take her to a cabin and of course, brutally rape and torture her (yaaaawwwwn). She soon gets free and travels revenge road where she proves she’s pretty damn brutal in her own right. Before we get to the bad, let’s say something nice about Animalistic, shall we? Some of the cinematography is nice, and the effects are very well done, including a scene with a penis that’ll make you wince wether you posses one or not. On to the negatives! This is one of the most unoriginal films I have ever laid my eerie eyeballs on. All of us in the horror biz have had the (dis)pleasure of

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DanXIII

Aug 26, 2018

ForeignIndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Movie Review: Muse (2017)

Lit Prof. Samuel Salomon (now there’s a name that would make ol’ Stan Lee green with envy that he didn’t thunk of it first…oh, and he’s played by Elliot Cowan) is one grief stricken mother fucker. You see, a year ago his girlfriend bought the farm and he hasn’t been able to work since! Along with that major bummer, he keeps having nightmares of a mystery woman gettin’ hers at the hands of some arcane acolytes during one of your occult rituals that the kids dig so much these days. As fate and fright flick conventions would have it; the woman turns up dead in the really real world in the same manner of demise as peeped in our hero’s dream. Because common sense has never been an attribute of any protagonist in a horror film ever, Sammy visits the crime seen and encounters Rachel (Franka Potente); a lady that had the same damn nocturnal torment as S-dawg! The dynamic

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DanXIII

Aug 25, 2018

ForeignMoviesNewsTrailers

Trailer For South Korean Horror ‘Monstrum’ Features A Terrifying Monster

South Korean monster movie Monstrum is ready to take us back in time. From director Huh Jong-ho (The Advocate: A Missing Body) comes this bloody tale set in 1527 during the reign of King Jungjong (who is a real historical figure). “It’s the 22nd year of Jungjong. The plague has taken over Joseon, and fear runs rampant in the streets. When rumors of a vicious beast roaming Mount Inwangsan–called “Monstrum” by terrified masses–begin to spread, fear turns into panic. In order to quell the rising panic, Jungjong brings back his most trusted general Yoon-gyeom from retirement. Joined by his daughter Myeong, his right-hand man Seong-han, and royal court officer Heo, Yoon-gyeom sets out to find the mysterious creature.” Kim Myung-Mim, Park Hee-soon, Choi Woo-sik, Kim In-Kwon, Kim Myung-Min, and Lee Geung-young star in Monstrum opening in South Korea theaters on September 13, 2018. Hopefully, an international release will soon follow. Check out the trailer that’s filled with warriors, action, and

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Kelli Marchman McNeely

Aug 22, 2018

ForeignMoviesReviews

Movie Review: In Any Language HEVN Makes For A Good REVENGE Film

A young woman named Rebekka travels to a remote hotel in Norway, owned by Morten Holand, after the death of her sister Maya. Her intent is to confront and kill Morten because of a horrible past transgression he committed against her sister that likely led to her untimely death by her own hand. She takes a different tack from her initial rash and impulsive decision to murder him in cold blood with a butcher’s knife only after she discover he’s married and her plan would be difficult to carry out. Instead she assumes the identity of Andrea, a freelance travel writer working for a prestigious travel magazine that has a keen interest in publishing a story about Morten’s rather secluded hotel. She accepts an invite to stay at the hotel while she “writes her article”, all the while ingraining herself deeper in the couple’s life. Rebekka puts a new plan into action to exact her revenge, but as her game-plan

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Capt McNeely

Aug 22, 2018

Foreign

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