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Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Byleth: The Demon of Incest (1972)

Sometime in the 19th Century, in Italy, there ends up being a murder (for which someone is doubtlessly responsible) after a sesh of the hot n’ hornies. So begins Byleth: The Demon of Incest; a film sure to bring a tear to your eye and an itch to your crotch. Cut to Lionello Shandell… c’mon movie, what the fuck? Anyway, the impossibly named Lionello (Mark Damon) welcomes his sister Barbara (Marie-Claude Perin) home to the family castle after a journey abroad… too bad she brought along her brand-new husband Giordano (Aldo Bufi Landi)… cue ‘record scratch’, amirite? Long story short; Lionelle is hot for sister, and her marriage has only made that itch harder to scratch… well that and the law of course… so, all of this results in our hero falling into some sort of jealousy fueled fugue state that makes him stalk around and spy on his sister humpin’ her man, as one does. Did I mention Barbara

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 10, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Killer Crocodile (1989)

Surely riding on the shit-hot success of that legendary legend Jaws: The Revenge or the announcement of an upcoming sequel to Alligator; Italy birthed Killer Crocodile… a film that features a killer crocodile (I mean c’mon, it’s right there in the title folks)… and a fuckin’ huge one to boot! When a group of youngish(?)… they could be anywhere from twenty to forty depending on the light and angle… environmentalists go fucking around in a toxic waste dump of a swamp (created by the one/two punch of a crooked judge and a shady corporation), one of their group ends up in a rather devoured state thanks to the fucking school bus sized mutant croc that calls that monstrous marsh home sweet home! As you can guess, the group want to protect the beast (environmentalists, remember?), no matter how much of a murder machine the bastard obviously is. Let me tell ya, keeping that lethal lizard alive isn’t going to be

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 12, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Wax Mask (1997)

Paris: the early 1900’s: As a new age begins, a wax museum, operated by Boris Volkoff (Robert Hossein) and his strange assistants, is set to open and all of the city seems to be balls deep into that prospect. Along with that, there have been a rash of disappearances, mainly involving children and prostitutes. Swept up in the mix is young fashion designer Sonia (Romina Mondello), who’s mother was murdered twelve years prior. I wonder if there is a connection? As this fright flick contains zero mystery for the audience (it’s based on Gaston Leroux’s The Waxwork Museum which has been the basis of roughly eleven-billionty films, most famously as House of Wax starring Vincent Price in 1953), we know Volkoff is up to no good… and holy hell is he ever, as his wax creations are made of living victims and arcane science! Before long ol’ Sonia, along with her bland-as-shit pal Andrea (Serventi Longhi), are deep into the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 11, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Night Killer (1990)

Claudio Fragasso’s Night Killer begins the only way it possibly could; in Virginia Beach…oh, and also with ultra-raunchy music, a herkin’-jerkin’ dance routine, and a flabbergasted dance choreographer who seems to have forgotten 90% of her lines (and who’s death scene seems to be played to the cheap seats located somewhere in Antarctica…and please keep an eye on the dancers who strike a pose as her body hits the floor) there’s also a tit or two, blood, and a killer in a rather awesome monster mask. We are off to a rock solid start here boils n’ ghouls… Cut to suburbia where writer Melanie Beck (Tara Buckman) spends her days eating ham sandwiches, fondling her naked breasts, and over-reacting to phone calls (on a telephone who’s ring sounds like a parakeet swallowed a laser gun) from a dude with the most preposterous voice ever committed to film…as one does. Speaking of phone calls, she soon receives a ringy-dingy from our

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Robowar (1988)

When an experimental war cyborg named Omega-1 (who’s voice is like a soothing combo of a Speak n’ spell and Mel Tillis) goes completely off it’s tits; a top flight group of military hard-asses named B.A.M. (Bad Ass MotherFuckers…and no; I didn’t make that up) lead by Maj. Murphy Black, also known as Killzone (Reb fucking Brown…Yor himself) is called in to neutralize that murderous machine in the jungle hell it has holed up in…one problem though; the “cyborg” part is on a need to know basis, and the powers that be feel that B.A.M. doesn’t need to know. It soon becomes obvious to our cast of the high school production of Predator that they are not dealing with a rogue guerrilla as they’ve been told and it’ll take every amount of balls and bullets they possess to survive this mission! Filled with more testosterone than a rather large container containing testosterone, billions of bullets and pew-pew lazers, a nifty

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Severin New Release Bonanza!

Hey cats n’ creeps, our dear fiends at Severin have got a beastly bounty of new and upcoming exploitation and horror monsterpieces that are going to make your (severed) heads spin…and I’m gonna slap my patented revoltin’ review magic upon each and every one of them! First up we have a sleazy lil’ number called: Emanuelle and Francoise (1975) Francoise (Patrizia Gori) arrives home from her modeling sesh to find her abusive ass of a lover Carlo (the legendary Big George Eastman) chin deep in the crotch of another. This causes ol’ Franny to commit that hoary ol’ chestnut; train assisted suicide. Enter Emanuelle (Rosemarie Lindt), Francoise’s sister who anonymously saunters in to Carlo’s life and begins the ol’ seduction bag (along with drawing unflattering pictures of herself…as one does). Soon she drugs that big ape and the fun really begins as she drags his ass into her torture room (hidden behind a moving wall in her apartment!!) where she

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

After an opening explaining the evil machinations of a surviving race of Druids known as Sangroids to resurrect their queen via blood draining shenanigans (all provided by a voice over that sounds like an unholy union between James Mason and Dr. Frank N. Furter) we learn just where this evil rite is to take place…no, not at Stonehenge or some other ancient place of pagan worship…nope this thing is going down in the cradle of ultimate demonic terror…Westchester County, New York (shivers). Who can stand in the Druids way as they kidnap the townsfolk and harvest their blood? Well hopefully Don (Bruce Detrick), his girlfriend Jenny (Tanna Hunter), and her father, Dr. Roy Anderson (Norman Kelley) ‘cuz that’s all we got. We’re doomed. Man Invasion of the Blood Farmers has it all. You like overly dramatic stock music that plays as characters merely talk or change their clothes? How about ADR that sounds like it was recorded via a tin

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Next of Kin (1982)

Linda (Jacki Kerin) inherits a retirement home called Montclare from her mother…now that is one hell of a thing to inherit…I mean what young woman wouldn’t want to own a mega-creepy house jam-packed with weird ass old people, and dreadful secrets (more on that in a tick)? I know for a fact that is exactly the number one wish of women ages 18 to 24…that and like Pogs or some shit… Anyway, Linda reads her mother’s diaries which detail some off-the-wall shit, like the fact someone was watching her and her tenants were dying under some fishy circumstances. Guess what? Like mother like daughter because L-dawg starts to see someone on her ass, and those geriatric jokers in her care begin dropping off…and before long, she is in a fight to keep both her sanity and well-being intact! Filled with breathtaking shot composition, a janky, off-kilter aesthetic, pitch perfect slow-burn pace, stunning location, and genuinely creepy moments, Next of Kin

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: All the Colors of the Dark (1972)

Jane (Edwige Fenech) is plagued by nightmares. I mean, lose one unborn baby in a horrific car crash and lose your shit why dontcha? Anyway, Jane’s boy toy Richard (George Hilton) is sympathetic, but always away on business so he’s as useless as an asshole with tastebuds, as is her psychiatrist, so she does hwat any sane, rational person would do…she joins a black magic cult at the behest of her new gal pal Mary (Marina Malfatti). Surprisingly group sex and blood consumption lead to a rather shitty path for our heroine, and soon she is at the mercy of the wackiest weirdo in that creepy cult ((Ivan Rassimov); he of the trenchcoat and icy blue eyes…and predilection for murder! Directed by Sergio Martino (The Suspicious Death of a Minor, Screamers, Slave of the Cannibal God…and roughly 4,000 more), All the Colors of the Dark is absolutely packed with suspense and a sense of unease. The viewer is never sure

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 5, 2019

More from Severin

Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Byleth: The Demon of Incest (1972)

Sometime in the 19th Century, in Italy, there ends up being a murder (for which someone is doubtlessly responsible) after a sesh of the hot n’ hornies. So begins Byleth: The Demon of Incest; a film sure to bring a tear to your eye and an itch to your crotch. Cut to Lionello Shandell… c’mon movie, what the fuck? Anyway, the impossibly named Lionello (Mark Damon) welcomes his sister Barbara (Marie-Claude Perin) home to the family castle after a journey abroad… too bad she brought along her brand-new husband Giordano (Aldo Bufi Landi)… cue ‘record scratch’, amirite? Long story short; Lionelle is hot for sister, and her marriage has only made that itch harder to scratch… well that and the law of course… so, all of this results in our hero falling into some sort of jealousy fueled fugue state that makes him stalk around and spy on his sister humpin’ her man, as one does. Did I mention Barbara

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Nov 10, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Killer Crocodile (1989)

Surely riding on the shit-hot success of that legendary legend Jaws: The Revenge or the announcement of an upcoming sequel to Alligator; Italy birthed Killer Crocodile… a film that features a killer crocodile (I mean c’mon, it’s right there in the title folks)… and a fuckin’ huge one to boot! When a group of youngish(?)… they could be anywhere from twenty to forty depending on the light and angle… environmentalists go fucking around in a toxic waste dump of a swamp (created by the one/two punch of a crooked judge and a shady corporation), one of their group ends up in a rather devoured state thanks to the fucking school bus sized mutant croc that calls that monstrous marsh home sweet home! As you can guess, the group want to protect the beast (environmentalists, remember?), no matter how much of a murder machine the bastard obviously is. Let me tell ya, keeping that lethal lizard alive isn’t going to be

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 12, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Wax Mask (1997)

Paris: the early 1900’s: As a new age begins, a wax museum, operated by Boris Volkoff (Robert Hossein) and his strange assistants, is set to open and all of the city seems to be balls deep into that prospect. Along with that, there have been a rash of disappearances, mainly involving children and prostitutes. Swept up in the mix is young fashion designer Sonia (Romina Mondello), who’s mother was murdered twelve years prior. I wonder if there is a connection? As this fright flick contains zero mystery for the audience (it’s based on Gaston Leroux’s The Waxwork Museum which has been the basis of roughly eleven-billionty films, most famously as House of Wax starring Vincent Price in 1953), we know Volkoff is up to no good… and holy hell is he ever, as his wax creations are made of living victims and arcane science! Before long ol’ Sonia, along with her bland-as-shit pal Andrea (Serventi Longhi), are deep into the

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Oct 11, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Night Killer (1990)

Claudio Fragasso’s Night Killer begins the only way it possibly could; in Virginia Beach…oh, and also with ultra-raunchy music, a herkin’-jerkin’ dance routine, and a flabbergasted dance choreographer who seems to have forgotten 90% of her lines (and who’s death scene seems to be played to the cheap seats located somewhere in Antarctica…and please keep an eye on the dancers who strike a pose as her body hits the floor) there’s also a tit or two, blood, and a killer in a rather awesome monster mask. We are off to a rock solid start here boils n’ ghouls… Cut to suburbia where writer Melanie Beck (Tara Buckman) spends her days eating ham sandwiches, fondling her naked breasts, and over-reacting to phone calls (on a telephone who’s ring sounds like a parakeet swallowed a laser gun) from a dude with the most preposterous voice ever committed to film…as one does. Speaking of phone calls, she soon receives a ringy-dingy from our

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Robowar (1988)

When an experimental war cyborg named Omega-1 (who’s voice is like a soothing combo of a Speak n’ spell and Mel Tillis) goes completely off it’s tits; a top flight group of military hard-asses named B.A.M. (Bad Ass MotherFuckers…and no; I didn’t make that up) lead by Maj. Murphy Black, also known as Killzone (Reb fucking Brown…Yor himself) is called in to neutralize that murderous machine in the jungle hell it has holed up in…one problem though; the “cyborg” part is on a need to know basis, and the powers that be feel that B.A.M. doesn’t need to know. It soon becomes obvious to our cast of the high school production of Predator that they are not dealing with a rogue guerrilla as they’ve been told and it’ll take every amount of balls and bullets they possess to survive this mission! Filled with more testosterone than a rather large container containing testosterone, billions of bullets and pew-pew lazers, a nifty

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 5, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: The Beast in Heat (1977)

During the final days of World War II; top Nazi scientist Dr. Ellen Kratsch (Macha Magall) gets a wild hair up her ass to create a horny as-all-fuck Neanderthal (Salvatore Baccaro) that humps it’s victims to death. What practical wartime application could this have? None…but Nazis are always up to ridiculous horseshit, so why should this film be any different? Anyway, some partisans from a nearby Italian village are causing those goose-steppin’ lunkheads some static, so the Ratzis naturally round-up every woman they can find (while shooting old ladies and babies) and systematically torture them to quell that pesky uprising. Along the way we are treated to some of the classic hits as only The Beast in Heat can do them including; Luger blast to the va-jay, tons of naked flesh (both female and male, because unlike actual Nazis, this flick is all about feel-good equality…or something like that), crappy-ass stock footage, people emoting during torture with the exuberance of

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Jul 1, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Severin New Release Bonanza!

Hey cats n’ creeps, our dear fiends at Severin have got a beastly bounty of new and upcoming exploitation and horror monsterpieces that are going to make your (severed) heads spin…and I’m gonna slap my patented revoltin’ review magic upon each and every one of them! First up we have a sleazy lil’ number called: Emanuelle and Francoise (1975) Francoise (Patrizia Gori) arrives home from her modeling sesh to find her abusive ass of a lover Carlo (the legendary Big George Eastman) chin deep in the crotch of another. This causes ol’ Franny to commit that hoary ol’ chestnut; train assisted suicide. Enter Emanuelle (Rosemarie Lindt), Francoise’s sister who anonymously saunters in to Carlo’s life and begins the ol’ seduction bag (along with drawing unflattering pictures of herself…as one does). Soon she drugs that big ape and the fun really begins as she drags his ass into her torture room (hidden behind a moving wall in her apartment!!) where she

Continue reading →
DanXIII
May 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Invasion of the Blood Farmers (1972)

After an opening explaining the evil machinations of a surviving race of Druids known as Sangroids to resurrect their queen via blood draining shenanigans (all provided by a voice over that sounds like an unholy union between James Mason and Dr. Frank N. Furter) we learn just where this evil rite is to take place…no, not at Stonehenge or some other ancient place of pagan worship…nope this thing is going down in the cradle of ultimate demonic terror…Westchester County, New York (shivers). Who can stand in the Druids way as they kidnap the townsfolk and harvest their blood? Well hopefully Don (Bruce Detrick), his girlfriend Jenny (Tanna Hunter), and her father, Dr. Roy Anderson (Norman Kelley) ‘cuz that’s all we got. We’re doomed. Man Invasion of the Blood Farmers has it all. You like overly dramatic stock music that plays as characters merely talk or change their clothes? How about ADR that sounds like it was recorded via a tin

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: Next of Kin (1982)

Linda (Jacki Kerin) inherits a retirement home called Montclare from her mother…now that is one hell of a thing to inherit…I mean what young woman wouldn’t want to own a mega-creepy house jam-packed with weird ass old people, and dreadful secrets (more on that in a tick)? I know for a fact that is exactly the number one wish of women ages 18 to 24…that and like Pogs or some shit… Anyway, Linda reads her mother’s diaries which detail some off-the-wall shit, like the fact someone was watching her and her tenants were dying under some fishy circumstances. Guess what? Like mother like daughter because L-dawg starts to see someone on her ass, and those geriatric jokers in her care begin dropping off…and before long, she is in a fight to keep both her sanity and well-being intact! Filled with breathtaking shot composition, a janky, off-kilter aesthetic, pitch perfect slow-burn pace, stunning location, and genuinely creepy moments, Next of Kin

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 16, 2019
Horror Fuel

Blu-ray Review: All the Colors of the Dark (1972)

Jane (Edwige Fenech) is plagued by nightmares. I mean, lose one unborn baby in a horrific car crash and lose your shit why dontcha? Anyway, Jane’s boy toy Richard (George Hilton) is sympathetic, but always away on business so he’s as useless as an asshole with tastebuds, as is her psychiatrist, so she does hwat any sane, rational person would do…she joins a black magic cult at the behest of her new gal pal Mary (Marina Malfatti). Surprisingly group sex and blood consumption lead to a rather shitty path for our heroine, and soon she is at the mercy of the wackiest weirdo in that creepy cult ((Ivan Rassimov); he of the trenchcoat and icy blue eyes…and predilection for murder! Directed by Sergio Martino (The Suspicious Death of a Minor, Screamers, Slave of the Cannibal God…and roughly 4,000 more), All the Colors of the Dark is absolutely packed with suspense and a sense of unease. The viewer is never sure

Continue reading →
DanXIII
Feb 5, 2019
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