Movie Review: The Beach House (2019)
Emily and Randall, two outrageously attractive young people (portrayed by Liana Liberato and Noah Le Gros respectively) flee ye olde rat race to vacay at a beach house owned by Randall’s kith and kin. Sound relaxin’ amirite cats n’ creeps? Well it ain’t, because another couple, Jane (Maryanne Nagel) and Mitch (Jake Weber), have parked their asses there as well. Despite their gaps in age, the two couples shoot the shit, ingest some edibles… just normal gettin’ to know ya bullshit. Speaking of normal, nearly every event that happens after that point is decidedly not that thing, as a mysterious fog envelopes the island bringing with it rapidly mutating sea life, alien pods, and some good ol’ body horror; as those that breathe deep on the island begin to undergo unearthly transformations! The Beach House could best be described as Cronenberg by way of Lovecraft, but with a faux modern coat of paint. Now, let’s focus on that “faux” part
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