TagNico Mastorakis
4 stories
ForeignIndieReviewsThriller
Ex-Vietnam vest/small time conman Bob Kowalski (Peter Winter) arrives down Athens way where he reconnects with his ol’ chum Ches Gilford (Hristos Nomikos); a real sufferer of what I like to call “Buckaroo Banzai Syndrome”… in other words he’s great at all sorts of rando and ridiculous things including karate, race car driving, and being a fuck toy for old rich broads (though his wandering eye and rampant horniness fuck that up six ways to Sunday right quick). Anyway, these two cats soon find themselves balls deep in capital “T” Trouble when they meet a woman named Geraldine Steinwetz (Jessica Dublin) and her looker of a daughter Christina (Maria Aliferi)… who just so happens to be a bonafide psychic. Long story short, ol’ Xtina witnessed a touh of the assassination biz ‘round aul Poland Towne, and Geraldine wants out two slacker heroes to watch over her. This leads to all manner of psionic shenanigans, busty assassins, clandestine organizations, raunchy synth
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MoviesReviews
The Bloodstone, giant-ass ruby of antiquity, has been pinched by small potatoes thief Paul Lorre (Jack Kehler) at the behest of Ludwig Van Hoeven (Christopher Neame, Johnny Alucard from one of my all time fav fright flicks; Dracula A.D. 1972) down India way. Enter: corny-as-fuck American newlyweds Sandy and Stephanie McVey (Brett Stimely… who has played President Kennedy in like four million films, and Anna Nicholas… who was on an episode of Mr. Belvedere once). While these two ham it up to the Nth degree, Lorre secretly slips them the ruby to avoid being arrested by the Indian authorities headed by Inspector Ramesh (Charlie Brill… more on this guy in a bit)… a man so bumbling and full of pratfalls it’s near impossible to imagine him being able to walk and chew gum successfully, let alone actually perform his job… but anyway… These two don’t keep the stone for long, as one wild-as-fuck taxi ride later, courtesy of Shyam Sabu
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MoviesReviews
Super-horny famous novelist Sian Anderson (genre legend Meg Foster, she of Carpenter’s They Live, and Masters of the Universe to name but two) is ready to wing her way to Greece to finish her latest murder mystery novel. Once there she is shown her lodgings by pompous British windbag Elias Appleby (portrayed by a scene stealing Robert Morley), warned of the islands wind situation (spoiler: It ain’t great), and introduced to the villas deranged handyman Phil (portrayed by an equally scene stealing Wings Hauser). So, long story short; our heroine witnesses Phil possibly putting a murder on Appleby and soon she must not only deal with the forces of nature battering her left and right, but with ol’ Phil deciding to do a stalk n’ slay routine on her. Yeah, she’s not going to get much writing done… The Wind is a surprisingly fantastic entry in the rather over-crowded genre of ’80’s slasher flicks… and that has nothing to do
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MoviesReviews
Ever go looking for your missing sister in Greece only to have your life fucked up six ways to Sunday by a sea monster that can only be appeased by the blood of virgins? Sure, we all have… and so has Neil (The Karate Kid‘s Martin Kove) who has come to that beautiful island along with his wife Sherry (Mary Louise Weller) to track down his sis Madeline (Deborah Shelton) who has pulled a vanishing act. Once there they encounter miserable ol’ bastard Nereus (José Ferrer), as well as treasure hunter Frye (the legendary James Earl Jones cuttin’ himself a big ol’ slice of ham), over-sexed space-case Barbara (Lydia Cornell who starred in the Cosmic Cow vehicle Too Close for Comfort on the ol’ boob tube)… and his sister (also a space case)… wait, that’s it, less than fifteen minutes in and it’s “mystery solved?” Obviously there’s more to this terror tale, and as you may have ascertained from my
Continue reading →
More from Nico Mastorakis
ForeignIndieReviewsThriller
Ex-Vietnam vest/small time conman Bob Kowalski (Peter Winter) arrives down Athens way where he reconnects with his ol’ chum Ches Gilford (Hristos Nomikos); a real sufferer of what I like to call “Buckaroo Banzai Syndrome”… in other words he’s great at all sorts of rando and ridiculous things including karate, race car driving, and being a fuck toy for old rich broads (though his wandering eye and rampant horniness fuck that up six ways to Sunday right quick). Anyway, these two cats soon find themselves balls deep in capital “T” Trouble when they meet a woman named Geraldine Steinwetz (Jessica Dublin) and her looker of a daughter Christina (Maria Aliferi)… who just so happens to be a bonafide psychic. Long story short, ol’ Xtina witnessed a touh of the assassination biz ‘round aul Poland Towne, and Geraldine wants out two slacker heroes to watch over her. This leads to all manner of psionic shenanigans, busty assassins, clandestine organizations, raunchy synth
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
The Bloodstone, giant-ass ruby of antiquity, has been pinched by small potatoes thief Paul Lorre (Jack Kehler) at the behest of Ludwig Van Hoeven (Christopher Neame, Johnny Alucard from one of my all time fav fright flicks; Dracula A.D. 1972) down India way. Enter: corny-as-fuck American newlyweds Sandy and Stephanie McVey (Brett Stimely… who has played President Kennedy in like four million films, and Anna Nicholas… who was on an episode of Mr. Belvedere once). While these two ham it up to the Nth degree, Lorre secretly slips them the ruby to avoid being arrested by the Indian authorities headed by Inspector Ramesh (Charlie Brill… more on this guy in a bit)… a man so bumbling and full of pratfalls it’s near impossible to imagine him being able to walk and chew gum successfully, let alone actually perform his job… but anyway… These two don’t keep the stone for long, as one wild-as-fuck taxi ride later, courtesy of Shyam Sabu
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
Super-horny famous novelist Sian Anderson (genre legend Meg Foster, she of Carpenter’s They Live, and Masters of the Universe to name but two) is ready to wing her way to Greece to finish her latest murder mystery novel. Once there she is shown her lodgings by pompous British windbag Elias Appleby (portrayed by a scene stealing Robert Morley), warned of the islands wind situation (spoiler: It ain’t great), and introduced to the villas deranged handyman Phil (portrayed by an equally scene stealing Wings Hauser). So, long story short; our heroine witnesses Phil possibly putting a murder on Appleby and soon she must not only deal with the forces of nature battering her left and right, but with ol’ Phil deciding to do a stalk n’ slay routine on her. Yeah, she’s not going to get much writing done… The Wind is a surprisingly fantastic entry in the rather over-crowded genre of ’80’s slasher flicks… and that has nothing to do
Continue reading →
MoviesReviews
Ever go looking for your missing sister in Greece only to have your life fucked up six ways to Sunday by a sea monster that can only be appeased by the blood of virgins? Sure, we all have… and so has Neil (The Karate Kid‘s Martin Kove) who has come to that beautiful island along with his wife Sherry (Mary Louise Weller) to track down his sis Madeline (Deborah Shelton) who has pulled a vanishing act. Once there they encounter miserable ol’ bastard Nereus (José Ferrer), as well as treasure hunter Frye (the legendary James Earl Jones cuttin’ himself a big ol’ slice of ham), over-sexed space-case Barbara (Lydia Cornell who starred in the Cosmic Cow vehicle Too Close for Comfort on the ol’ boob tube)… and his sister (also a space case)… wait, that’s it, less than fifteen minutes in and it’s “mystery solved?” Obviously there’s more to this terror tale, and as you may have ascertained from my
Continue reading →
