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Fantasy

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Short Film Review: The Garden (1910)

As many of you fine fiends know; your’s cruelly digs on the silent films… the wonders the movie maestros of the past could conjure up were true works of art, and one of the best was French illusionist/filmmaker Georges Méliès… speaking of ol’ Big G; the filmmaker behind The Garden (1910), is obviously a passionate fan, as every decadent frame of the film looks to create the aesthetic and artistry of Méliès oeuvre… and that surely tickles my putrid pickle cats n’ creeps! As usual we segue seamlessly from a penis joke to the Bible. While that particular tome is really not my bag in any way, shape, or form, I can easily dig on this short which is a telling of Genesis via the medium of silent film… film using the same practical traditions (or representations thereof) that graced the silver screen circa the early 1900’s. As you may guess, things are kept on the black and white-ish tip

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DanXIII

May 16, 2020

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Carnival Magic (1983)

Roll up! Roll up! Ye olde flea-pit dirt carnival has rolled into town and is sure to delight only the most desperate of audiences! Attendance notwithstanding this shitty show is kinda doomed anyway as the two “main attractions”, animal battering hot-head tiger trainer Kirk Wylder (Joe Cirillo) and sullen magician Markov (Don Stewart) are butting heads like some mountain goat mother fuckers. While Kirk’s primary talent is being a world-class drunken ass, Markov the Magnificent on the other hand has the ability to mentally communicate with animals, including his hyper-intelligent, super-horny, car driving talking chimp sidekick (and ass grabbing personal trainer) Alexander the Great… for fuck’s sake… oh, and he gives some expert relationship advice on the side… naturally. Anyway, Markov’s act is soon the total shit yo, and is attracting throngs of local-yokels who have doubtless had only such riveting entertainment as “wart counting” and “hog-tickling” as their primary sources of diversion judging by how crazy they go for

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DanXIII

Apr 25, 2020

MoviesNewsTrailers

A Man Discovers His God-Like Powers In André Øvredal’s ‘Mortal’ Trailer

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and Autopsy of Jane Doe director André Øvredal is gearing up to release his new film, Mortal, ahead of its release next month overseas and we’ve got the new trailer. The film, based on Norwegian mythology, follows Nat Wolff (Death Note) as a young man discovering that he has god-like powers. Priyanka Bose, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa, and Iben Akerlie star in the film which looks to be a mix of fantasy and horror. Øvredal penned the script along with Norman Lesperance. Mortal opens in theaters in Norway on February 28, 2020. A US release date should be announced soon. In the meantime, check out the trailer.

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Kelli Marchman McNeely

Jan 5, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Viy (1967)

At the end of a day of extreme assing around, young monk Khoma (Leonid Kuravlyov) gets lost on his way back to the monastery and seeks shelter at the abode of an outrageously old crone. After being lodged in the barn and acting like a prize-winning douche, the crone, in truth a witch, takes our hero for a flight around the Russian countryside and gets severely beaten by the mad monk for her troubles… she also turns hot A.F. A short time later, Khoma is summoned to a Cossack’s home to stand vigil over his daughter as per her dying wish… and just guess who that daughter is? I’ll just tell ya before you lot answer something like “yellow” or “gorilla”… it’s the witch (still in her babe form). So the long and the short of it is, Khoma must watch over the witch’s coffin for three days… which would be hella easy if not for the fact that she

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DanXIII

Dec 23, 2019

IndieMoviesParanormalReviews

Blu-ray Review: The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Mike (Mathew Mackay); junior soccer star, son to a attic-dwelling painter, and object of derision to his robe-wearin’ sister… also, friend to winos, as the children oft are. Anyway, speaking of those winos, they get burned to death in a fire, you know because that’s fun for the whole family! Long story long, Mikey goes to the scene of the immolation looking foe survivors and gets the ever-loving shit scared out of him… which causes all of his hair to fall out (no bald cap here, my dude Mackay actually shaved his head for this flick),a nd for him to lose his damn mind. To solve the prob, his sis and pops super glue a wig to his head… which of course gets as much accomplished as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest (and let me just say, when Mike’s mom gets back from her sojurn in Australia she will doubtless be hella fuckin’ pissed)… but thankfully

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DanXIII

Dec 22, 2019

GamingIndieNewsProductReviewsTrailers

‘YAGA’ Brings The Fun And Old Tales!

I enjoy folklore outside North America, so I was stoked when Versus Evil and Breadcrumbs Interactive allowed me to play their action RPG that revolves entirely around Slavic Mythology, YAGA. YAGA revolves around the tale of Ivan, a blacksmith that’s unlucky, and missing a hand because of it! Ivan is tasked with quests from the Tsar that will take him into the wilderness where he encounters bandits and mythological creatures as he smashes his way through them to achieve greatness, as well as looking for a wife (to quiet his Grandmother). As all this happens, Baba Yaga watches from beyond, influencing Ivan’s journey. The controls of the game are simple and easy to learn as there are not many buttons used in the game. Ivan’s main weapon is a hammer which not only can be used to strike enemies but can be thrown like Thor’s hammer and strike foes at a distance before spinning right back to him. You can

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Capt McNeely

Nov 12, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Movie Review: Mermaid Down (2019)

Two salty sea men (I just keep ’em cumming, eh boils n’ ghouls?) sit around yappin’ about mermaids as so many of us do. Well, this gets to that, and these bastards not only catch a mermaid (Alexandra Bokova), but they cut her goddamn tail off too… like seriously, who does that? A rando dude, Dr. Beyer (Burt Culver), comes to her rescue… kind of, as he doesn’t seem to be much better than her captors ,and takes her to the psychiatric hospital where he works as a psychiatrist for disturbed young women. The other patients don’t really get on with our former fish heroine (who has grown legs by the by), especially when she does shit like jumping in a pool like a lunatic and expecting her tail to return. Let me tell you lot, our heroine better try and make nice because the whole gaggle are in deep fuckery territory as the good doc is up to some

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DanXIII

Nov 2, 2019

IndieMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: In the Aftermath (1988)

A cathedral spaceship touches down on a ruined future Earth (in scenes lifted from the 1985 animated feature Angel’s Egg; a collaboration between director Mamoru Oshii and Yoshitaka Amano) as a young angel who has laid an egg is given a lecture from her bro… at least it all makes perfect, reasonable sense… Then we cut to some live-action antics as two gas-masked attired dudes wander a wasteland. They walk and talk (and talk), and occasionally get menaced… then a dude has visions of the animated fracas from the beginning (but there’s a live-action version of the lil’ angel)… The biggest hurdle with In the Aftermath is that the live-action stuff, while taking place in a suitably grim and industrial environment, can’t hold a candle to the beauty and weirdness of the jarringly out of place animated sequences (which the filmmaker’s try in vain to make fit into whatever narrative they have created). So the feature is somewhat interesting, if

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DanXIII

Sep 23, 2019

GamingNewsProductReviews

Game Review: The Underground Is Beautiful In ‘Another Sight’

A while back, I told you about Another Sight, well thanks to the folks at Lunar Great Wall Studios and Toplitz Productions gave me the opportunity to review this marvelous piece of interactive art! Another Sight is a side-scrolling puzzle game that takes place in the London underground. Players take on the role of Kit (Catherine) who’s stuck under the streets of Victorian London after an accident while visiting a worksite with her Father. Alone, Kit has also realized she’s lost her vision but is able to see with sound. Kit is accompanied by a mysterious cat named Hodge who players can take control of as well as both he and Kit journey through the mysterious world that’s under London. Now onto the game itself, first off, the first thing you can’t ignore about this game is the art! When you see the world through either Hodge’s or Kit’s eyes it’s beautiful. That’s another facet of the game’s mechanic that

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Capt McNeely

Jun 26, 2019

GamingNewsParanormalProductTrailers

E3 Trailer For Upcoming Dark Fantasy RPG ‘GreedFall’

With E3 fast approaching, Spiders and Focus Home Interactive today released the story trailer for their upcoming dark fantasy RPG GreedFall and showcases one of the major elements in the game’s story, making choices. GreedFall takes place in a 17th-century world where settlers go and establish settlements on a mysterious island called GreedFall that’s rumored to be full of lost treasure, magic, and secrets. The player’s character is venturing to GreedFall to look for a cure for an illness ravishing their home country. While on the island, Players will be dropped in the middle of increased tension between settlers and the native inhabitants who believe in supernatural guardians that protect the island and lives within nature. Players will have to journey through this world and make choices that will determine the outcome of the story as well as affecting their fate. There’s no one way to complete missions in the game. Players can use combat, diplomacy, or deception to accomplish

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Capt McNeely

Jun 6, 2019

Fantasy

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