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Bruno Mattei

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Blu-ray Review: Strike Commando 2 (1988)

Everyone’s favorite Rambo surrogate, Ransom, is back on the scene in Bruno Mattei’s 1988 follow-up to his batshit action pic Strike Commando (which I reviewed right here), the reasonably titled Strike Commando 2! While Ransom may be back, Reb Brown sure as shit isn’t… so this time we follow The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak’s Brent Huff (who looks more like Solid Snake than Rambo once kitted up) on a mission to rescue Maj. Vic Jenkins (Richard Harris… yeah, the actual one from Camelot and the first couple of Harry Potter Pictures… not to mention dozens upon dozens of other memorable performances), his old squad leader from ‘Nam from a group of ninja warriors with KGB ties (there’s heroin smuggling mixed up in this hot mess as well)… this is the most fucking ’80s plot I have ever witnessed… Anyway, the kidnappers are demanding a cool ten million in diamonds, so the CIA sends in

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DanXIII

Jul 5, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Strike Commando (1986)

You know who was shit-hot in the 1980’s? John mother fuckin’ Rambo… we all loved his PTSD-infused spots of rough n’ tumble fun n’ games (mostly involving murdering large swaths of human beings post his first outing in 1982’s First Blood). You know who else loved his ass? The fucking creative team behind Troll 2, and my personal fav, Uncle Bruno Mattei… How do I know this? Because I just watched the most Rambo thing ever created that doesn’t have jack-shit to do with Sly; 1986’s Strike Commando, and those are the cats that made it! Ransom (Jesus, they aren’t even trying to hide it… anyway, he’s played by Yor: The Hunter From the Future himself, Reb Brown) is the sole survivor of a botched mission in ‘Nam while the war was raging hot n’ heavy. Soon Ransom finds himself in the savior-biz as he ends up in a small village, who’s residents include the missionary Le Due (Luciano Pigozzi,

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DanXIII

Jul 4, 2021

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Cruel Jaws (1995)

Ever want to watch the entire Jaws series of films in one go, but you just could never find the time? Well, fret not cats n’ creeps, because your kindly uncle Bruno (Mattei that is… he of Shocking Dark, Rats: Night of Terror, and a beastly billion more… even though he’s credited as William Snyder here for reasons most likely relating to permits and taxes) has managed to shove the entire series into a 94 minute gem titled Cruel Jaws! In the sleepy seaside town of Hampton Bay, Dag (Richard Dew… though it may actually be Hulk Hogan… Dagamania’s runnin’ wild brother!) operates an aquarium, though he’s down on his luck after an accident nearly ruined him, and left his poor waif of a daughter mighty pouty… and unable to walk I guess. To make matters worse, a greedy-ass businessman, the mafia, and the town’s mayor want his ass evicted pronto. Naturally, there’s also an annual festival (this time a

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DanXIII

Sep 28, 2020

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Robowar (1988)

When an experimental war cyborg named Omega-1 (who’s voice is like a soothing combo of a Speak n’ spell and Mel Tillis) goes completely off it’s tits; a top flight group of military hard-asses named B.A.M. (Bad Ass MotherFuckers…and no; I didn’t make that up) lead by Maj. Murphy Black, also known as Killzone (Reb fucking Brown…Yor himself) is called in to neutralize that murderous machine in the jungle hell it has holed up in…one problem though; the “cyborg” part is on a need to know basis, and the powers that be feel that B.A.M. doesn’t need to know. It soon becomes obvious to our cast of the high school production of Predator that they are not dealing with a rogue guerrilla as they’ve been told and it’ll take every amount of balls and bullets they possess to survive this mission! Filled with more testosterone than a rather large container containing testosterone, billions of bullets and pew-pew lazers, a nifty

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DanXIII

Jul 5, 2019

ForeignMoviesReviews

Blu-ray Review: Severin New Release Bonanza!

Hey cats n’ creeps, our dear fiends at Severin have got a beastly bounty of new and upcoming exploitation and horror monsterpieces that are going to make your (severed) heads spin…and I’m gonna slap my patented revoltin’ review magic upon each and every one of them! First up we have a sleazy lil’ number called: Emanuelle and Francoise (1975) Francoise (Patrizia Gori) arrives home from her modeling sesh to find her abusive ass of a lover Carlo (the legendary Big George Eastman) chin deep in the crotch of another. This causes ol’ Franny to commit that hoary ol’ chestnut; train assisted suicide. Enter Emanuelle (Rosemarie Lindt), Francoise’s sister who anonymously saunters in to Carlo’s life and begins the ol’ seduction bag (along with drawing unflattering pictures of herself…as one does). Soon she drugs that big ape and the fun really begins as she drags his ass into her torture room (hidden behind a moving wall in her apartment!!) where she

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DanXIII

May 16, 2019

ForeignMovies

Blu-ray Review: Shocking Dark (1989)

In Venice, after the amazing future year 2000, a toxic cloud hangs low killing all life. To make matters worse, there are hideous mutant creatures stalking the tunnels below the city…and they are turning people into monsters! In a totally original, completely unique bit of storytelling, a group of badass marines, a civilian woman (a scientist by trade), and a company man from the Tubular Corporation (a division of Radical Incorporated and Fuckin’ Awesome LLC) are sent in to investigate the infestation. What follows is Aliens…except for the ending, which inexplicably rips-off something else that you won’t believe! I’m going to go on the record here and state I don’t give a flying fuck how much director Bruno Mattei and Screen Writers Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi stole from Cameron’s masterpiece; Shocking Dark is one hell of an entertaining fright flick in it’s own right, due mainly from a game performance from the legendary Geretta Geretta, fun creature suits, amazingly

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DanXIII

May 29, 2018

ForeignMovies

Blu-ray Review: Zombi 3 (1988)

Scientists on an island in the Philippines are trying to resurrect the dead with the help of a chemical agent…a chemical which gets stolen by a thief who soon becomes exposed after dropping the case. Eventually ol’ butter fingers makes his way to a hotel where he infects the entire staff. Thankfully the military steps in and fucks things up six ways to Sunday by cremating the bodies after containing the outbreak. Now zombie birds attack everyone pecking their way to a major zombie outbreak. In the center of the fray are Kenny (Deran Sarafian) and his gang of soldier friends, who along with a group of comely lasses, attempt to stay alive as they are besieged on all sides by ravenous gut munchers! To say I “like” Zombi 3 would be an understatement…I fuckin’ love it, and have for years. It’s gloriously gory, stupid, and action packed in equal measure! This is the type of film where a severed

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DanXIII

May 27, 2018

Bruno Mattei

More from Bruno Mattei